Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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