hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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