I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
