Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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