I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
