If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
