you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
