Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
