I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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