Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
high people should be assigned attendants
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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