I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
