You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
