I must be too annoying 4 u.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
