at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
