My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
