just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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