im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
