omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
