those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
