There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
