i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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