I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
