did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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