Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize