I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
