I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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