I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
