So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
where does the pee come out of this thing
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
