You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
