the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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