you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She's the barista slut.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
