hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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