Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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