I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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