In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
