i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
