Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Im part way to drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
