Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
