my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
