Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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