He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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