worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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