Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
