I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
