After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
