people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
