I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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