my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this boner is exhausting
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
