im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think a kid would responsible me up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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