so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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