really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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