mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
