I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
