So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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