Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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