you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
