forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
