I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
