Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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