She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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