hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
