This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need moral support for this bender
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize