The maid of honor just puked.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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