I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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