Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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