His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
