Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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