the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
