i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
