Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
