did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize