UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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